This post is part of a 3-part series. To read Part 1, click here.
Cultivating a desire for God when it's just not there may be
one of the most difficult processes I've ever experienced. Why? Because, for
me, it was just hard on every front. On one had, because I was a believer,
knowing that I was not walking with God troubled me greatly. When I'd look at
my untouched journal, I felt extremely guilty. Every time I'd look at my Bible
(which was quite often at Bible college), conviction would fall all over me.
Yet, when I'd sit down at my desk to read and journal/pray, there was just no
desire there for the Lord. Those were the moments when I'd feel like the worst
person in the world.
To illustrate the situation as my uncle might, "The
ignition was turning over, but there just wasn't any gas in the tank..."
In talking to Christian friends, I've found that these
feelings are not uncommon at all. We all go through points when we can't see or
feel God moving and working in our lives. That doesn't change the fact that he
IS always using us, of course. God is sovereign and every single thing is part
of his plan whether we're aware of it or not.
Your thoughts may reflect those of my classmate that day.
"Okay... So, what are you do when you're like this? Just make yourself
read the Bible and pray even though you're heart's just not in it?"
Let us return to my uncle's car analogy and consider for a
moment what you generally do when "the ignition's turning over, but there
just isn't any gas in the tank." Do we sit back and say, "Well, I
guess I'm just gonna not go to work today because I don't feel like getting out
the gas can and putting it in the tank." or do we try to do something
about it? Well, if we desire to go to work (which we all should), then we're
going to go get the gas can…
When it comes to reading God’s Word, while I believe we gain
the most from it when we approach it with a receptive heart, I’m not convinced
that you have to “feel” like reading to get what you need. I’ve found that when
it comes to getting his point across, God’s pretty good at it. I don’t necessarily
have to be open to what I’m reading. It just tends to be less painful if I am.
Hebrews 4:12 tells us,
“For the word of God
is living and active, sharper than any two-edged sword piercing to the division
of soul and of spirit, of joints and of marrow, and discerning the thoughts and
intentions of the heart.”
That’s powerful --and it doesn’t sound to me like God’s Word
something you can just casually shrug off upon reading. Even if you do manage
to “ignore” (or rather repress) some of it, I know I always found that what I’d
read would always come back to haunt me later. I’d say or do something and a convicting
Scripture would come to mind. It was as if the Word was always in my heart, somehow,
even when my heart wasn’t in my study. At first, I wasn’t too pleased with
this. Conviction is seldom pleasing, but as my heart began to change, this
recalling Scripture became a source of comfort to me and I slowly began to feel
the gentle presence of God again.
Soon, waking up to read my Bible became less of a chore and
more of a habit. One day, I was reading one of m and I slowly began to feel the
gentle presence of God again.
Soon, waking up to read my Bible became less of a chore and
more of a habit. One day, I was reading one of my favorite poems and stumbled
across these lines:
“See him with his
books:
Tree beside the
brooks.
Drinking at the root
Till the branch bear
fruit.”
From “The Calvinist”
by John Piper
When I read it, I was struck by his words, “drinking at the
root till the branch bear fruit.” Think about the implications of those two
short lines. Sometimes we have to start in a low and just keep on striving
until we begin to see results. By waking up and reading my Bible every morning,
I truly was “drinking at the root” while waiting for the branch to bear fruit.
Now, this part of the process is where patience really comes
in. I don’t know much about gardening, but I do know that fruit does not
develop overnight and if you sit there and watch a tree grow every day, usually
doesn’t seem like progress is being made. The same is true for one’s spiritual
journey, or at least it was for me. On a daily basis, what I was doing merely
seemed like a habit, until one day (about three weeks in) I overslept and
missed my morning quiet time… I quickly discovered that my “habit” had become something
pretty darn pivotal in setting the course of my day. All I could think about
during my first two classes was the hour break I had afterward so I could go
find somewhere quiet to sit down with my Bible, journal, and pen.
That, friends, was day the light came on…
*Scripture quotations are from The Holy Bible, English Standard Version. Copyright 2001, Crossway.
***
Part 3 of this series will be posted on Tuesday, November 18th.
