Cultivating Desire (Part 2) - Returning to the Word

This post is part of a 3-part series. To read Part 1, click here.

Cultivating a desire for God when it's just not there may be one of the most difficult processes I've ever experienced. Why? Because, for me, it was just hard on every front. On one had, because I was a believer, knowing that I was not walking with God troubled me greatly. When I'd look at my untouched journal, I felt extremely guilty. Every time I'd look at my Bible (which was quite often at Bible college), conviction would fall all over me. Yet, when I'd sit down at my desk to read and journal/pray, there was just no desire there for the Lord. Those were the moments when I'd feel like the worst person in the world.

To illustrate the situation as my uncle might, "The ignition was turning over, but there just wasn't any gas in the tank..."

In talking to Christian friends, I've found that these feelings are not uncommon at all. We all go through points when we can't see or feel God moving and working in our lives. That doesn't change the fact that he IS always using us, of course. God is sovereign and every single thing is part of his plan whether we're aware of it or not.

 Your thoughts may reflect those of my classmate that day. "Okay... So, what are you do when you're like this? Just make yourself read the Bible and pray even though you're heart's just not in it?"

Let us return to my uncle's car analogy and consider for a moment what you generally do when "the ignition's turning over, but there just isn't any gas in the tank." Do we sit back and say, "Well, I guess I'm just gonna not go to work today because I don't feel like getting out the gas can and putting it in the tank." or do we try to do something about it? Well, if we desire to go to work (which we all should), then we're going to go get the gas can…

 When it comes to reading God’s Word, while I believe we gain the most from it when we approach it with a receptive heart, I’m not convinced that you have to “feel” like reading to get what you need. I’ve found that when it comes to getting his point across, God’s pretty good at it. I don’t necessarily have to be open to what I’m reading. It just tends to be less painful if I am.

Hebrews 4:12 tells us,

 

 

“For the word of God is living and active, sharper than any two-edged sword piercing to the division of soul and of spirit, of joints and of marrow, and discerning the thoughts and intentions of the heart.”

 

 

That’s powerful --and it doesn’t sound to me like God’s Word something you can just casually shrug off upon reading. Even if you do manage to “ignore” (or rather repress) some of it, I know I always found that what I’d read would always come back to haunt me later. I’d say or do something and a convicting Scripture would come to mind. It was as if the Word was always in my heart, somehow, even when my heart wasn’t in my study. At first, I wasn’t too pleased with this. Conviction is seldom pleasing, but as my heart began to change, this recalling Scripture became a source of comfort to me and I slowly began to feel the gentle presence of God again.

Soon, waking up to read my Bible became less of a chore and more of a habit. One day, I was reading one of m and I slowly began to feel the gentle presence of God again.

Soon, waking up to read my Bible became less of a chore and more of a habit. One day, I was reading one of my favorite poems and stumbled across these lines:

“See him with his books:

Tree beside the brooks.

Drinking at the root

Till the branch bear fruit.”

From “The Calvinist” by John Piper

 

When I read it, I was struck by his words, “drinking at the root till the branch bear fruit.” Think about the implications of those two short lines. Sometimes we have to start in a low and just keep on striving until we begin to see results. By waking up and reading my Bible every morning, I truly was “drinking at the root” while waiting for the branch to bear fruit.

Now, this part of the process is where patience really comes in. I don’t know much about gardening, but I do know that fruit does not develop overnight and if you sit there and watch a tree grow every day, usually doesn’t seem like progress is being made. The same is true for one’s spiritual journey, or at least it was for me. On a daily basis, what I was doing merely seemed like a habit, until one day (about three weeks in) I overslept and missed my morning quiet time… I quickly discovered that my “habit” had become something pretty darn pivotal in setting the course of my day. All I could think about during my first two classes was the hour break I had afterward so I could go find somewhere quiet to sit down with my Bible, journal, and pen.

That, friends, was day the light came on…

 

*Scripture quotations are from The Holy Bible, English Standard Version. Copyright 2001, Crossway.

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Part 3 of this series will be posted on Tuesday, November 18th.