You know you're a writer when...

You know you're a writer when you STOP writing. 

Yeah. I said that. No, I didn't make a mistake. 

You know you're a writer when you stop writing... under the guise of a "mental health break"... and within three days of going on said break you think you're going to lose your mind. 

Because you're driving to meet your boyfriend for a coffee and a movie and this great first line of a short story comes to mind as you're getting onto the highway.

Then when you get to the coffee shop with your boyfriend, you whip out your nerdy little padfolio and write down that line -and a piece of a second line that came to mind when your boyfriend said something. 

Then, after you've had some coffee (which your boyfriend calls "syrup" because of the amount of cream, sugar, and... er... caramel you put into it) and your mind's now racing along with your heart, you start to the movie theater and pass the newspaper office. A setting! You have a setting! 

At this point, you're not sure what to do with your life because you are a writer and you are not writing -but you are writing in your head. You get to the theater and decide you're going to focus on the movie. Maybe analyze the main characters or something writerly like that. 

However, every single preview sparks a new idea. Some not even related to the story you've been writing in your head for the past hour. One idea would make a great idea for that one idea you had a week or so ago. 

Eventually, you settle down for the movie. You are going to focus. You must focus. Your boyfriend, who is also nerdy and dabbles in the writing craft, will want to discuss the "effectiveness of the plot" or something like that when the movie's over. 

So... Your watching the movie. You are. You have no other choice at this point because it's too dark in the theater to whip out your phone or nerdy little padfolio. 

Soon, some random minor character comes on screen and it hits you! That's exactly what the character from the story you're going to write starting from that first line you came up with when you got onto the highway looks like!!! Exactly. What's that actresses name? You need to look her up. 

As the movie progresses, the ideas keep coming. And coming. And coming. You're dying. You're going to forget all this great stuff if you don't write it down, but you can't. You get annoyed and restless. You hate movies. You hate life. You hate writing. 

The movie (a sci-fi) goes on forever with way too many "man floats around in space" scenes for your deprived-writer-brain-in-overdrive. 

By the time it FINALLY ends, you're in a terrible mood because you've managed to lose AT LEAST half the great ideas you had while watching the movie. 

You briefly discuss the plot with your boyfriend before saying goodbye and heading home. You realize the plot for your new story needs developing. 

Wait. What plot? You have a first line and a half, a character, and a setting. Dang it. 

You stew all the way home because you realize your productivity has again been impeded because you don't know what the pretty blonde with the killer opening line for her story set somewhere around a newspaper office is actually going to DO. 

You've long crashed from the syrup-coffee and the time spent in space (where there are stars and no sound) has made you kind of sleepy. 

When you get home, you scribble down as many ideas as you can because you're just too tired to actually WRITE anything. You hate writing. 

But you don't. You love it. Really. You do. You know you do because you can't stop writing... even when you try to stop writing. It consumes you. 

Your mental health break from writing nearly broke you mentally, but it's over--thank goodness-- and you're happy again because you know you're a writer. 

You were starting to wonder... =)

Cultivating Desire (Part 3) - Seeking God Through Prayer

This post is part of a 3-part series to read Part 1, click here.

For Part 2, click here.

 

Once I developed a sincere hunger for God’s Word, it didn’t take long for that desire to spill over into my struggling prayer life. I found that the Scriptures God used to speak to me were excellent for praying back to Him at night and throughout the day. It was amazing. No longer was I sitting at my desk or on my bed staring blankly at my journal (I write out most of my prayers) trying to think of something to say to God. Where there had been many, many days of pitiful little half-hearted “notes” to God were now pages and pages of heartfelt praise and giving thanks and honest and humble supplication. A major portion of this supplication was focused on what I had been going through all this time. My desire for the Lord was returning, but I wanted more. So, I asked God for it.

 

It may seem strange asking God to place a desire in your heart for himself, but if we look in the Bible, we find that King David, the “man after God’s own heart” asked God for things like this quite often. My favorite example is Psalm 51:10-13:

 

Create in me a clean heart, O God, and renew a right spirit within me.

Cast me not away from your presence, and take not your Holy Spirit from me.

Restore to me the joy of your salvation, and uphold me with a willing spirit.

 

Here, we see David asking God to renew a “right” spirit within him. Some translations use the term “steadfast” or “faithful” in the place of “right,” but regardless of the word used, I this was the cry of my heart -my plea just as much as David’s. I desired God and I wanted that desire to remain strong. I wanted to be faithful to him and I never wanted to experience that “cast away” feeling again, but I knew that none of this was possible without God’s intervening and changing my heart.

 

I also considered Matthew 7:7-8 during this time:

 

Ask, and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and it will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives, and the one who seeks finds, and to the one who knocks, it will be opened.

 

So, there I was asking God to give me a pure heart and renew a faithful spirit within me. I was seeking God in a way I never had before, and do you know what was happening? God was opening the doors faster than I could walk through them. After months of wandering around in a spiritual desert, God had led me to an oasis in himself.

 

I believe God wants his children to desire him. He wants us to seek him. He wants us to walk closely with him. I also believe he’s more than happy to give us the sincere requests of our hearts when they are in alignment with his Word and will (which will never contradict each other, by the way). All we have to do is ask, seek and knock and come before him with honesty and humility.

 

As I attempt to bring this series to a close, I hope to encourage everyone to continually seek God even when you don’t feel a desire for him. Because our human hearts are SO incredibly flawed, we must not fall into the trap of letting our feelings manipulate whether or not we do what is right. As with any relationship, sometimes desire requires cultivation –and when it comes to our relationship with God, the way to do this is through the reading of his Word and coming before him in prayer. Make these things a habit and they will transform your life. If you’re going through a spiritual desert they will refresh your soul and lead to water. If you’re not in the desert, doing these things will help to keep you from wandering there.  

 

*Scripture quotations are from The Holy Bible, English Standard Version. Copyright 2001, Crossway.

***

I hope this series encouraged you in reading it as it did me in writing it and I’d love to hear your thoughts on anything I presented.

 



Experimentation...

Let's just get this out of the way: I failed NaNoWriMo. I'm not even going to try and justify or explain, either. I just failed. 

Shall we move on?

Let's. 

I have decided to experiment, a little. For years, I've pretty much limited myself to one genre (romance) and two age ranges (YA and Contemporary adult) but I'm about to try something new. 

My new project (while my NaNo story cools) for the moment is a whole new genre and a whole new age range -and I have no idea what I'm doing. 

Why am I quitting NaNo and then jumping ship on my age group and genre? 

Sometimes you just have to step out into the unfamiliar to accomplish something awesome. 

My hope is that in doing this, I'll be able to get out of my head and get something onto the page. The fact that I don't know what I'm doing kind of excites me, actually. If I do it all wrong, so be it. 

So... Middle-grade fiction, here I come. As for the genre, I'm not even quite sure what you'd classify it as yet. Supernatural, maybe? 

Don't worry. There are no vampires or werewolves involved. Promise. =) 

Cultivating Desire (Part 2) - Returning to the Word

This post is part of a 3-part series. To read Part 1, click here.

Cultivating a desire for God when it's just not there may be one of the most difficult processes I've ever experienced. Why? Because, for me, it was just hard on every front. On one had, because I was a believer, knowing that I was not walking with God troubled me greatly. When I'd look at my untouched journal, I felt extremely guilty. Every time I'd look at my Bible (which was quite often at Bible college), conviction would fall all over me. Yet, when I'd sit down at my desk to read and journal/pray, there was just no desire there for the Lord. Those were the moments when I'd feel like the worst person in the world.

To illustrate the situation as my uncle might, "The ignition was turning over, but there just wasn't any gas in the tank..."

In talking to Christian friends, I've found that these feelings are not uncommon at all. We all go through points when we can't see or feel God moving and working in our lives. That doesn't change the fact that he IS always using us, of course. God is sovereign and every single thing is part of his plan whether we're aware of it or not.

 Your thoughts may reflect those of my classmate that day. "Okay... So, what are you do when you're like this? Just make yourself read the Bible and pray even though you're heart's just not in it?"

Let us return to my uncle's car analogy and consider for a moment what you generally do when "the ignition's turning over, but there just isn't any gas in the tank." Do we sit back and say, "Well, I guess I'm just gonna not go to work today because I don't feel like getting out the gas can and putting it in the tank." or do we try to do something about it? Well, if we desire to go to work (which we all should), then we're going to go get the gas can…

 When it comes to reading God’s Word, while I believe we gain the most from it when we approach it with a receptive heart, I’m not convinced that you have to “feel” like reading to get what you need. I’ve found that when it comes to getting his point across, God’s pretty good at it. I don’t necessarily have to be open to what I’m reading. It just tends to be less painful if I am.

Hebrews 4:12 tells us,

 

 

“For the word of God is living and active, sharper than any two-edged sword piercing to the division of soul and of spirit, of joints and of marrow, and discerning the thoughts and intentions of the heart.”

 

 

That’s powerful --and it doesn’t sound to me like God’s Word something you can just casually shrug off upon reading. Even if you do manage to “ignore” (or rather repress) some of it, I know I always found that what I’d read would always come back to haunt me later. I’d say or do something and a convicting Scripture would come to mind. It was as if the Word was always in my heart, somehow, even when my heart wasn’t in my study. At first, I wasn’t too pleased with this. Conviction is seldom pleasing, but as my heart began to change, this recalling Scripture became a source of comfort to me and I slowly began to feel the gentle presence of God again.

Soon, waking up to read my Bible became less of a chore and more of a habit. One day, I was reading one of m and I slowly began to feel the gentle presence of God again.

Soon, waking up to read my Bible became less of a chore and more of a habit. One day, I was reading one of my favorite poems and stumbled across these lines:

“See him with his books:

Tree beside the brooks.

Drinking at the root

Till the branch bear fruit.”

From “The Calvinist” by John Piper

 

When I read it, I was struck by his words, “drinking at the root till the branch bear fruit.” Think about the implications of those two short lines. Sometimes we have to start in a low and just keep on striving until we begin to see results. By waking up and reading my Bible every morning, I truly was “drinking at the root” while waiting for the branch to bear fruit.

Now, this part of the process is where patience really comes in. I don’t know much about gardening, but I do know that fruit does not develop overnight and if you sit there and watch a tree grow every day, usually doesn’t seem like progress is being made. The same is true for one’s spiritual journey, or at least it was for me. On a daily basis, what I was doing merely seemed like a habit, until one day (about three weeks in) I overslept and missed my morning quiet time… I quickly discovered that my “habit” had become something pretty darn pivotal in setting the course of my day. All I could think about during my first two classes was the hour break I had afterward so I could go find somewhere quiet to sit down with my Bible, journal, and pen.

That, friends, was day the light came on…

 

*Scripture quotations are from The Holy Bible, English Standard Version. Copyright 2001, Crossway.

***

Part 3 of this series will be posted on Tuesday, November 18th.





 

Cultivating Desire (Part 1)

Due to length, this article will be divided into a series three consecutive posts.

It was a conversation that some might say shouldn't be happening on a Christian college campus. A fellow counseling major and I had decided to get lunch together in the cafeteria after class one day before heading back to our dorms to write papers for our Christian Marriage and Christian Parenting classes. We didn't expect to be there very long, but being counseling majors and sharing four out of five classes that semester, the conversation grew from what we had due the next day to how we thought we'd handle the hypothetical situation our teacher had presented us with that day.

"Well, you'd definitely want to present them with Scripture..." my classmate said, taking a bite of his buffalo wrap.

"Maybe for you," I replied. "I want to counsel in a secular setting, though. You can't just toss non-Christians who come to you for marriage counseling a few verses from Ephesians and expect them to accept it."

"Yeah. You're right about that. Well, if you can't give them Scripture, what would you say?"

"Well, I mean, I'm not saying you can't feed them the Word, but you can't just direct them to examine Ephesians 5 like you could a struggling Christian couple. I guess you'd just have to use wisdom to kind of weave biblical truths into your counsel."

"Yeah... You've gotta have a really good grasp on it yourself before you can do that. Kind of intimidating, isn't it?"

I hadn't really thought about it that much, but now that he'd mentioned it I had to agree. That was pretty intimidating. It shouldn't be, but it was. "Sort of," I admitted. "I feel like it shouldn't be, though."

"I don't know," my classmate said, picking at his buffalo wrap. "I guess I'm just thinking about how things have been in my life lately and it scares me to think that I'm going to be working in a field where I'll be having to give others advice."

"What's going on?" I asked. "I mean, do you wanna' talk about it or...?"

My friend just shrugged. "Yeah. I guess I've just been going through a spiritual dry spot lately. It's like I don't even want to pray or read my Bible these days." Looking down at his plate, he sighed. "Wow. Sounds really bad when you actually say it out loud. Not that's it's not bad, anyway. I don't know."

I could tell he was uncomfortable, now, which bothered me. Like I said, some people might say that people attending Bible college shouldn't have problems that -much less admit to be dealing with them. I don't know how I feel about that, though. We all struggle from time to time and ignoring problems or just pretending they aren't there doesn't do anything to solve them, but perhaps that's another post for another time. Anyway, I really didn't want my classmate to feel uncomfortable telling me this because I'd been in that exact same place myself only a month or so before, and it was hard. I knew.

"That's rough." I said, "but I understand."

"Do you?" he said, giving me an incredulous look.

"Uhh... Yeah. I've definitely been there. It's like doing your quiet time is more of a chore than anything else."

I could tell by his expression that what I'd said was on point. "Well, what did you about it?"

"Honestly? For a long time I just didn't do anything. I quit praying like I should and started slacking on my Bible reading. It didn't seem like a big deal at first. Just felt kind of like I was procrastinating or something, but after a while I got to feeling pretty miserable. It was so crazy. I mean, I missed my quiet time and all, but when it came to doing it I just didn't want to."

"Yeah. That's pretty much where I am right now."

"Well," I continued. "After a few weeks of all that, I just decided enough was enough and I needed to get it together. So, I did."

Now, I'm sure everyone who just read that line probably shook their heads at me and said something to the effect of "Sorry, but that's not how that works. You can't just 'get it together' with God." To an extent, I agree, but  just hear me out.

"Go on..." my classmate said, skepticism flooding his expression.

"I just started making myself get up in the morning to do my quiet time so I could start my day right and making myself put everything away at night to pray before I went to bed -whether I wanted to or not. It was pretty awful at first, but eventually I just got used to the routine and it wasn't such a bid deal anymore."

"So, your telling me that your quiet time went from being a chore to just being part of your daily routine that you just do every day because it's what you do?"

"No. That's not what I'm saying. I'm saying that's what happened in the beginning. After a week or so of just doing it, got to a place where I started enjoying it. Eventually, I even started looking forward to my quiet time in the evening and missing it if I didn't get to do it in the morning. It all started with my making myself read, journal, and pray every single day... Basically, just getting it together."

"Huh. I don't know, though. I'd feel really weird just going through the motions like that. I mean, I don't think you should go before God if you're not going to be sincere about it."

"That's true," I said. "But wouldn't it make sense that even if you start out just 'going through the motions,' but do it with the sincere intent of getting back to where you need to be with God, He'll honor that?"

My classmate looked thoughtful for a moment. "You know... I guess I hadn't thought about it that way."

Here's the thing. I hadn't really thought about it that way, either. I'd considered what happened with me to be a trial and error kind of thing. What I'd just said to him had seemingly come out of nowhere.

"Yeah..." I said, lamely, unable to add anything else.

Part 2 of this series will be posted on Thursday, November 13th, but before I  further share my thoughts on the matter, I'd like to hear yours.

NaNoWriMo

National Novel Writing Month... 

 

Affectionately knows as NaNoWriMo

(until everyone gets so tired and burnt out that they no longer feel affectionate toward it, that is)

 

It's this thing happens every year when crazy people... I mean... writers from all over the world attempt to write a full novel (50,000 words) during the month of November. In order to do this, one much write 1,667 words every day for 30 days -which is not an easy task for most.

 

This year, I am one of those crazy people... I mean... writers.

 

This year will be my third attempt.

 

I have never actually succeeded before. In fact, I have never made it past the first week before.

 

I'm already behind this year. Way behind. So behind that I'm not even going to tell you HOW behind.

 

I should probably be writing my novel right now, but instead I'm writing this virtually pointless post because I'm a procrastinator and I actually have internet access right now.

 

Actually, this post really isn't pointless. I'm writing it so I can post quick updates on my one-month- novel-writing jaunt without having to explain myself in the future.

 

Is anyone else doing NaNo this year?